How to Practice Body-Neutral Parenting

With the cultural rise of extreme thinness, it can be hard to think neutrally about our bodies and not feel challenged by our own appearance. With that in mind. It can be helpful to remember that we are not the only ones who can struggle, children can do. Now, we obviously can’t control everything in the environments that our children are in when it comes to school, friends, and media intake, but we can make an effort to pursue body-neutrality in our own homes. 

To be clear, body-neutrality is very different from body positivity. Body positivity emphasizes a love for our appearances and enjoyment of our bodies. Body-neutrality focuses on our body as a vehicle that takes us through life. While that might be too nuanced for a young child to fully grasp, we can also start to implement changes in the way we discuss our bodies, giving a more neutral model. While this might seem like a lot to monitor, we’ve come up with some places to start.

1. Neutral Self-Talk

Try to bring awareness to how you, and the adults in your home talk about their bodies. Try to avoid criticizing your own body as well as the bodies of others in front of your kids. Instead, try shifting your narrative towards capabilities. What can your body do? ‘My arms help me hug you’, ‘My belly holds my insides’, ‘My nose helps me smell and breathe.’ 

2. Compliments

Try to move away from appearance based compliments in order to detach value from looks. Instead of complimenting how ‘beautiful’ a child might be, try to compliment them on traits like kindness or creativity. Also, complimenting on children’s bodies capabilities like speed, strength, or flexibility, also helps build confidence without focusing on appearances. 

3. Food and Movement Autonomy

Instead of labeling things as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’, ‘junk’ or ‘fattening’ try to emphasize how food has fuel, which is most important. Try to focus on food as joy, celebratory, and curiosity. Enjoy physical activity that is fun rather than utilizing it as a way to maintain appearances or manage weight. This will allow children to emphasize the fun within moving their bodies. 

4. Normalize Diversity and Change

This one might be challenging for some folks. Normalizing body changes can be life-changing for families as it allows the family system to cross into acceptance of growing and experiencing life itself. If a child points out a stretch mark, bigger pants, or even blemishes, try to normalize it as a way that the body is shifting and carrying you through life instead of a way that your body is ‘worse’. 

While some of these changes might be challenging, it is important to remember that the goal is to start and neutralize, not be perfect. Building a foundation of neutrality for your family gives them a way to carry confidence in their bodies throughout their lives. 

The information on this website is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical or psychological condition and is not a substitute for therapy. If you are experiencing an emergency please call/text 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.