What Actually is Love Bombing?

Recently, the term 'love bombing' has been mentioned more and more in our cultural zeitgeist. While this can be helpful to bring awareness to prevent harmful relationships, it can also become challenging if the meaning of the word becomes diluted or misunderstood. We wanted to provide clarity in order to help with education and understanding of communication that could be harmful in order to help people gauge if they are in a relationship that might be emotionally unhealthy! 

First of all, what is love bombing?

Love bombing can be thought of as an inconsistent amount of affection given in the initial stages of a relationship. This is different from initial infatuation. Infatuation can be thought of as intense passion that will eventually plateau over time which is quite harmless. Love bombing can be thought of as over exaggerated behavior which is malintentioned to gain control. It can be scary to think that someone’s niceties may not be coming from a genuine place, which is why, is helpful to know what we’re looking for. 

Signs of love bombing

We want to remember that these behaviors happen almost too soon in a relationship, so when reading our list of warning signs, it’s helpful to remember the timeframe that these signs are happening in. It happens in the very beginning rather than something that suddenly happens in a long term relationship and isn’t affection that grows over time. We want to be mindful of;

Intense flattery: while this might feel like someone admiring us, it is helpful to think about if this person is over-doing it. This might feel like sweeping statements that are sweeping and feel like forced intimacy. This verbal affirmation may come prior to an individual knowing who you are and may feel repetitive. 

Oversharing: wanting to share space and empathy with someone is inherently helpful. However, we want to be mindful if someone is getting too personal too quickly. This might feel like sharing secrets prior to establishing trust, disclosing situations that are very personal, or even asking questions that feel invasive or like the individual is too interested in our personal life.

Clinginess: feeling closeness with someone new can be exciting. When we start to become invested in someone, naturally we will want to spend more time with them. It is important to be able to differentiate between what is healthy vs. what is crossing a boundary. Clinginess while love bombing might feel like this individual wants to hang out non-stop, guilting someone for not spending time with them, or even beginning to invite themselves/insist they be present in every aspect of your life. It is important to remember that love bombing can result in an individual unintentionally isolating themselves from their loved one in order to prevent consequences from their partner. 

Unnecessary gift giving: receiving a gift can make us feel thought of. However, excessive gift giving in the beginning of a relationship can be a sign of manipulative intentions. This can look like large quantities of items being given at one time, expensive/unnecessary items that are disproportionate to the familiarity and intimacy that you have together, or even constant reminders of gifts that have been given. 

Constant reassurance: reassurance is something that can feel affirming. If your partner is acting in a way that requires a constant stream of reassurance, that can be more difficult and unhealthy. This can look like continual need for verbalized adoration, questioning if someone likes them, or putting themselves down in order to be lifted up by their partner. 

Sudden distance: this can be confusing as it can feel like a stark shift in behavior. This might look like disengaging after boundary setting, being upset by articulating our needs, or suddenly acting like the relationship isn’t where they would like to be after you’ve voiced a need to have space. 

What to do

If you believe that you are in the beginning of a relationship and someone is presenting with these concerns, it’s important not to panic, you still have control over how you communicate and your actions. We always want to prioritize safety, so it may be helpful to think about what supports or needs you have prior to addressing the issue, just in case. 

Firstly, we want to try to set boundaries. It can be helpful to think about ‘what do I need’ as far as time, space, or needs that I’m not getting. It’s okay to voice that we need things to slow down or that you’re feeling uncomfortable with the amount of attention that is happening. It can be helpful to go into that conversation with some ideas of how the person can meet our needs in order to provide structure and see if they can honor those preferences. 

Secondly, it can be helpful to turn inward and see if we’re feeling uncomfortable. As people, we tend to rationalize feelings, but it is important to listen to our instinct and not let our judgement of our feelings get in the way. 

Another helpful tool might be a friend. Asking for another’s opinion is helpful in these situations as they are able to objectively look at the situation rather than being conflicted with feelings. 

Lastly, it can be beneficial to try and begin accepting that the relationship may not work out even though the individual is showing adoration. We want to remember that there is ‘too much of a good thing’. 

The information on this website is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical or psychological condition and is not a substitute for therapy. If you are experiencing an emergency please call/text 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.