top of page

How To Talk To Your Loved One About Their Substance Misuse

Writer's picture: Hannah M Conner, LCPCHannah M Conner, LCPC

It can be uncomfortable recognizing that someone in your support network might be having issues with substances. Whether you notice an increased amount of days they’re using, or noticing that they’ve been acting differently when under the influence, watching someone struggle can be extremely challenging. Talking with someone about their relationship with substances can be challenging to navigate, here are some guidelines to follow for a compassionate confrontation that also allows you to prioritize your needs and the needs of others.

  1. Try to use ‘I’ statements

Although this is a subtle change, it can make all the difference in the world. Starting our sentences can bring an accusatory vibe to the conversation. ‘You drink too much,’ ‘You’re smoking too much weed,’ ‘You need to be sober’ are all statements that automatically put our loved one on the defensive. ‘I’ve been noticing___’, ‘I care about you,’ ‘I would want you to know I’m here for you’ are all ways to introduce the topic from a perspective that doesn’t instill guilt and shame. 


  1. Interventions don’t work

There is so much misrepresentation in the media about interventions surrounding substances. Realistically, it leaves the individual being confronted feeling isolated and shameful. One on one conversations are seen as so much more compassionate and caring. It might be helpful to let others in your loved one’s support system know that you are having a conversation, but opt for privacy instead of numbers for impact. 


  1. Ask the loved one about their use

When it comes to substance use support, it is helpful to include the loved one in the conversation. Directly asking ‘how have you been feeling lately’ can be such an impactful statement. Since many people struggling with alcohol feel guilt and shame, they might feel additional emotional barriers when bringing up the topic. It is helpful to prompt the individual in an inquisitive way that allows them to be the expert instead of being assumptive. 


  1. Remember to list options instead of demands

‘You need help’ or ‘you need rehab’ might come off as demanding instead of caring. Even though we want our loved one to make choices that will be able to prioritize themselves. Again, with an inquisitive approach, it holds the loved one as the expert. ‘Have you ever thought to talk to someone about this?,’ ‘Do you need help finding support?,’ ‘Do you feel open to support?’ are all ways to bring empathy into the conversation and leave judgment at the door.  



Regardless of who in your life might be struggling with substances, it can feel challenging when we don’t know what to say. Starting with some inquisitive, compassion, and empathy can be key factors to have a conversation focused on empowerment instead of increased shame. If you are still feeling overwhelmed by this idea, it might be helpful to seek out support for yourself through therapy or a self-help group. There are also several different types of online organizations that can walk you through how to have these challenging conversations. Always remember, even if the individual responds poorly to the conversation, it is better to have one than to be complicit.



The information on this website is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical or psychological condition and is not a substitute for therapy. If you are experiencing an emergency please call/text 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.




7 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


Commenting has been turned off.

Terms of Use
© 2024 by Chase Wellness, PLLC. All Rights Reserved.

bottom of page